As For Me and My House
BLOG POST
As For Me and My House: What the Bible Actually Teaches About Marriage and Family
There's a verse that hangs in countless Christian homes, cross-stitched on pillows and painted on wooden signs:
"As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." — Joshua 24:15
It's a beautiful sentiment. But what does it actually look like?
In Ephesians 5–6, the Apostle Paul gives us the most detailed picture of the Christian household anywhere in Scripture. And it's not what our culture expects.
The Gospel Foundation
Here's the surprise: Paul says marriage isn't primarily about us.
"This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:32)
Every Christian marriage is meant to be a living parable. The husband represents Christ. The wife represents the Church. And together, they tell a story of sacrifice, submission, and redemption.
This means how we treat our spouses isn't just a personal matter—it's a theological statement. When marriages flourish, the Gospel is displayed. When they fail, the message is distorted.
The Puritans understood this. Richard Baxter called the Christian home "a church... a society of Christians combined for the better worshipping and serving God." Jonathan Edwards said every family should function "as it were, a little church."
Your home is not a break from your spiritual life. It's the primary arena of your spiritual life.
What Husbands Are Called To Do
Paul's command to husbands is stunning:
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." (Ephesians 5:25)
The measure of a husband's love is the cross.
This isn't about making decisions or having the final word. It's about sacrifice, service, and sanctification. A husband's headship is expressed through giving himself up—not through throwing his weight around.
Christ's goal for the Church is to make her holy (Ephesians 5:26-27). So here's the diagnostic question for every husband: Is your wife becoming more godly because of your leadership, or less?
Paul says husbands should "nourish and cherish" their wives (Ephesians 5:29). The Greek words mean to feed, bring to maturity, warm, and tenderly care for. Is that how you treat your wife?
Peter adds a warning: "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife... that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7). If you dishonor your wife, your relationship with God is affected.
What Wives Are Called To Do
Paul's command to wives is equally countercultural:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22)
Before you react, notice what this doesn't mean. It doesn't mean inferiority—wives are "equal in worth" to their husbands (Baptist Faith and Message 2000). It doesn't mean blind obedience—her ultimate allegiance is to Christ, not to a husband who commands sin. It doesn't mean silence—Proverbs 31 describes a wife who "opens her mouth with wisdom."
What it does mean is a voluntary, joyful, trusting response to loving leadership—the same posture the Church takes toward Christ.
The Greek word for submission (hupotassō) is in the middle voice. It describes something the wife does, not something done to her. Submission is a gift she gives, not a demand he extracts.
And notice that the word "helper" in Genesis 2:18 is the Hebrew word ezer—the same word used sixteen times in the Old Testament to describe God Himself as Israel's helper. The helper is not inferior. The woman was created because the man was incomplete without her.
Paul's summary in Ephesians 5:33 is fascinating: he tells husbands to love and wives to respect. Why the distinction? Because these are the particular gifts each spouse needs—and the particular temptations each spouse faces.
What Parents Are Called To Do
Finally, Paul turns to the next generation:
"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)
Parents—especially fathers—bear responsibility for the spiritual formation of their children. This isn't outsourced to the church or the school. It happens at home, around the dinner table, in daily conversations.
The twofold mandate is "training" (paideia—discipline, correction) and "admonition" (nouthesia—instruction, teaching). Both are necessary. Discipline without instruction produces compliant but unconverted children. Instruction without discipline produces knowledgeable rebels.
Deuteronomy 6:7 says to teach God's Word "when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." This is whole-life, integrated discipleship.
And Psalm 78 gives us the vision: tell the next generation so that "the children yet unborn" would arise and "set their hope in God" (Psalm 78:6-7). You're not just parenting your children. You're shaping your grandchildren.
The Puritans practiced daily family worship—gathering morning and evening for Scripture, prayer, and catechism. A.W. Pink wrote: "Nothing must be allowed to interfere with this duty: all other domestic arrangements are to bend to it."
The church gathers once or twice a week. Your family gathers every day. Where do you think the primary work of discipleship happens?
The Gospel at the Center
Here's the beautiful irony: You cannot display Christ until Christ has first displayed Himself to you.
You can't love like Christ if you've never received Christ's love. You can't submit to authority if you've never bowed to the ultimate authority. You can't train your children in the Lord if you don't know the Lord.
The Gospel is this: Jesus Christ lived the perfect life you could never live. He died the death you deserved to die. He rose from the grave victorious. And He offers you free salvation—received by faith alone.
For believers, take heart. You will fail at this. But the same Christ who died for the Church continues to sanctify the Church. Confess your failures. Receive His grace. And get back to work.
Joshua's declaration remains the call for every Christian household:
"As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."